It’s oxymoronic, really.
In fact, some people would probably call it moronic. Really?
Plunging myself into the silence,
An auditorial black hole,
Sucking all sound
Except for that of my own
Thoughts and memories.
Deaf to the world.
Unaffected by time.
Retreating into the wilderness,
Like Moses, Elijah, David,
Like Samson, John the Baptist, Jesus.
Contemplating my place in this universe,
In this life, this existence.
The meaning of it all.
A speck of dust in the cosmos.
Yeah, ok. I get philosophical sometimes.
But why not? Why walk through this life
Aimless, directionless with no clear
Motivation? If I die now would I have done
Anything worth remembering a year from now?
A decade from now? A century?
Superman has his Fortress of Solitude.
But even that isn’t enough.
The alien sun god still needs
To leave the earth and all its distractions.
Plunge himself into the silence of deep cold space.
It’s here that even the Man of Steel realizes
How small he is.
And he contemplates his place in humanity.
Looked me in my eyes,
Lit up my world with your smile,
“Thank you for warming me.”
“I’d burn alive to keep you warm.”
I was saved by Death one night
upon a rooftop ledge.
I tried to leap and fall to the light,
but he noticed my lack of fledge
and dragged me back into his sight,
chiding as he pledged,
"Tis not your time to go yet, child";
he patted my cheek and smiled.
I thought you were joking
I see the guy every day
“Perfect. No flaws”
90% deaf. Only 5″8 tall at 180 lbs. Sure it’s about 93% muscle, but still…
“His muscles make me happy”
Oh really? Well couldn’t he be buffer? Isn’t he too lean? Not stocky enough.
I remembered that you wouldn’t mind him being a couple of inches taller.
“Not that it really matters.”
Sure it doesn’t. But it matters to me.
I know you hate the Team Edward, Team Jacob stuff.
I’m not too fond of it myself.
But I want your man to possess the build and wild allure of Jacob and the seductiveness of Edward.
I want him to be dashing and unpredictable like Captain Jack.
I want him to sweep you off your feet like…
Superman to Lois Lane
Tarzan to Jane
I want you to be able to show him off to everyone you know.
I want the best for you.
I want to understand why you walk on the road of love with a man who doesn’t measure up to your dreams.
I want to know why you insist that this man is perfect for you.
Why he’s your once in a lifetime.
Why he has your heart in the palms of his hands when he’s not even worthy to touch it with his fingertips.
I want to understand why you call him a demigod.
And most of all…
I want to understand why that man is me.
I want someone to see me as I see me. For so long I have prided myself on being so in tune with others, constantly thinking and worrying about their thoughts over mine. The impression I would make on them controls my actions; I must always do as little harm as possible. I want someone to me as I see me. I lock myself in me head; criticizing, berating, there is always some mistake I make because I see it everywhere in my actions or in the reflections of others. I want someone to see me as I see me. Because I’m tired. I pour everything I have into empathy often at a greater cost to myself than anyone else. I feel angry and confused; I pride myself on independence but effectively thrive off a positive image in the eyes of others. Contradiction, it kills me. I want someone to see me as I see me. To tell me I’m not crazy. To give me some rest, some peace in my head, and to slow the perpetual madness that comes with trying to be a decent human being. I long for comfort, most of all I long for contentment. I am a selfish do-gooding bastard whom needs to see me as I see me so you can tell me it’s okay to be like this. This is all so you will love me.
| Maddie MacWilliams
Had I that day alone–
that day to have not
known you, then,
I would’ve rolled
along that old
I would have
a– long– with– fre– quent–
bumps, but on the wood
I would have rolled along
without a fall– (ing for-
ward)––– toward the rush
of River Street where I grew
up when I stepped outside
the thick flat ladder crosswalk lines.
I grew when I learned that lines
and motion are what define…
I followed invisible tracks
through Michigan snow,
dragging feet to make lines
to make a new road to make
a new world to do ––– something–––
with my self.
Up and down I grew when
I cycled up River Street and
stopped down by the
wooden river path,
the path right by the river.
I was that day alone
It was that day I learned
I know and
and I know you
do you have to attend kalamazoo college to go to the readings?
Hello! No, you do not have to be a student, but some of the events have a small guest fee, usually less than $5. You should come check us out! We have a big event coming up the weekend of Friday, May 10th. The Outer-Spaces tour with be coming to Kalamazoo featuring Las Krudas, Climbing Poetree & Invincible. Check them out here!
| Jordan Meiller
Like when you bite off so much more than you can chew
that you almost choke,
but you catch it just in time,
they go down
reminding you what almost was.